NETSURFER DIGEST
More Signal, Less Noise
Volume 09, Issue 41
Monday, October 27, 2003

NETSURFER LINKS
Home
Paid Subscription
Trial Sub/Unsub
Netsurfer Science E-Zine
Netsurfer Digest E-Zine
Netsurfer Education E-Zine
Netsurfer Books E-Zine
Netsurfer Library E-Zine
Netsurfer Robotics E-Zine
Netsurfer Focus E-Zine

YOUR PROFILE
SIGN OUT



Search Now:
In Association with Amazon.com
NETSURFER DIGEST HALLOWEEN ISSUE
I nearly spent this Halloween
in prison
for the unusual murder
of a damsel in distress.
In jail, I counted down the days until Halloween.
The authorities filed my mugshot
but fortunately
could not pin me
to the scene.
On the way home to my castle
I passed a cemetery
but no ghosts attacked me.
A black cat did cross my path.
The cat frightened me,
so I ducked into a store to do some early Christmas shopping.
I considered some Star Wars toys
and fetish dolls,
but settled on a hamster.
The clerk made a few bad jokes
and had a weird look in his eye
as he offered me some mummified fruit.
He made my skin crawl.
The city was starting to fill
with pumpkin carolers
in crappy costumes.
It was as frightening as Moscow
or some movies
but I took pictures anyway.
Whistling a tune,
I crossed a pumpkin patch, and harvested one.
At home, I mutilated the pumpkin
then displayed it next my papier-mache skull.
That done, I sat down at my computer
to chat some.
A message from my cousin was waiting for me.
She's a nut.
I browsed an article on evil Canada
and another on some seasonal statistics.
With no original costume idea in mind,
I just dressed like a pumpkin
to answer the door and confuse the trick-or-treaters.
The rest of the night, I played with my squirrels,
read a bit,
and spanked the monkey.
In bed, I dreamed of eternal rest
beneath the sea
in the company of mermaid princesses....
Hmmm... do they ever do the nasty with dolphins?
OTHER LINKS
BOOK REVIEWS
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Contact and Subscription Information
Credits

Give the Gift of Netsurfer
Purchase a gift subscription
to Netsurfer for a friend.
http://www.netsurf.com/giftsub.html

Netsurfer Science
There is no adequate defense, except stupidity, against the impact of a new idea. - Percy Williams Bridgman http://www.netsurf.com/nss/

Netsurfer Books
It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead. - Dame Rose Macaulay http://www.netsurf.com/nsb/


Netsurfer Digest Trial Subscriptions

This is a trial subscription to Netsurfer Digest. You have three options:

1. Subscribe to obtain login for full access ($20/year) here: http://www.netsurf.com/signup.html

2. Unsubscribe your email from the trial subscription here: http://www.netsurf.com/nsd/trialsub.html

3. Do nothing. Keep receiving the trial subscription and check out the content until you decide what to do.

Full text samples of Netsurfer Digest are here: http://www.netsurf.com/nsd/backiss.html

NETSURFER DIGEST HALLOWEEN ISSUE

I nearly spent this Halloween

As experienced NSD subscribers know, we use the Halloween edition of NSD not only to prepare readers for Halloween, but also to review more....

in prison

From 1829 to 1971, Eastern State Penitentiary (ESP) - later called the State Correctional Institution at Philadelphia - was one of the more....

for the unusual murder

The Waterboro Public Library may not immediately come to mind as a cool place to kick off your Halloween festivities, but as horror is more....

of a damsel in distress.

Whenever a movie plot crawls to a standstill, scriptwriters add a damsel in distress. Some Bond girls are perfect examples. Many others more....

In jail, I counted down the days until Halloween.

X-Entertainment has a page that we can best describe as a Halloween advent calendar. Starting Sept. 18, the site has posted a daily page more....

The authorities filed my mugshot

What could be scarier than the offerings at what claims to be the biggest online directory of mugshots? Browse Mugshots.com for more....

but fortunately

The California Astrology Association (CAA) claims to have been around for 34 years, and guarantees that every product will work or your more....

could not pin me

Anyone looking to sway the powers that may or may not be to their own ends should plan a visit to the Web site of Voodoo Authentica. In more....

to the scene.

It's almost as good as being there. Visit Moss to purchase your very own small, elegant - and metal, no less - replica of infamous more....

On the way home to my castle

If you needed armaments on a massive scale in the early part of the 20th century, you went to see Francis Bannerman, whose headquarters more....

I passed a cemetery

After Life is an online exhibition of the work of New Zealand-born photographer Jonathan Clark. It's a series of photographs of more....

but no ghosts attacked me.

It is believed that on Halloween night the veil between the world of the living and the world of the dead is the thinnest. To explore this more....

A black cat did cross my path.

Halloween is, unfortunately, a trying time for cats, particularly black ones, and particularly those who are allowed to roam the more....

The cat frightened me,

If cats can be scary, and cat-owners frightening, where do cat-breeders fall? The folks who run Old Castle's Cats cattery - yes, more....

so I ducked into a store to do some early Christmas shopping.

Halloween, if not Labor Day, marks the start of the Christmas shopping season, it seems. It's hard to find tasteful gifts inspired more....

I considered some Star Wars toys

When you first watched "Return of the Jedi" and saw the lightly armed two-legged Imperial reconnaissance vehicles called Scout Walkers, more....

and fetish dolls,

"It is the act which should originally be performed secretly. Don't you want to peep into the act? Your desire is satisfied." So runs the more....

but settled on a hamster.

Those who know why you wrap a hamster in duct tape will appreciate a RealHamster. Elastic, durable, and powered by your choice of five more....

The clerk made a few bad jokes

Marketers who put lame puns on bags of instant oatmeal know many kids like dumb humor. You will too, particularly the "jokes" at "Halloween more....

and had a weird look in his eye

To round out your Halloween costume, look at your eyes. Actually, if the eyes are strange enough, nobody notices the rest of the costume, more....

as he offered me some mummified fruit.

Mummy, mummy, in the pyramid, who's the longest lasting of us all? Mummification is an ancient art that can stage a comeback with your more....

He made my skin crawl.

Little things can make any day seem like Halloween. Sand in your mouth, say. Coffee grounds on your tongue. Or nose hairs between your more....

The city was starting to fill

City of Shadows is the home page of London bibliophile Elizabeth Stegenga, who describes her site as a Gothic tour of Victorian more....

with pumpkin carolers

When those costumed freeloaders ring your bell on Halloween and mumble "Trick or treat," call their bluff. Don't force them to tax more....

in crappy costumes.

Capitalism is the savior of those who want to dress for Halloween but not work too hard at it. Racks and racks of mass-produced costumes more....

It was as frightening as Moscow

Moscow gets a bad rap. The Moscow murder rate is only about 18 per 100,000, which is well within the range of large American cities. more....

or some movies

Boy, not two articles ago, we sent you to RetroCrush, and now we'll do so again, this time so you can visit the site's choice of the top more....

but I took pictures anyway.

How to Take Great Halloween Photos may help you enjoy "one of the year's greatest photo opportunities". First, keep the three more....

Whistling a tune,

The original "Star Trek" owed a debt to schlock SF and horror movies in more ways than one. One of those ways was the soundtrack, the more....

I crossed a pumpkin patch, and harvested one.

Pumpkins can be seen everywhere during the Halloween season. This rotund squash has carved a niche in our society akin to the Christmas more....

At home, I mutilated the pumpkin

In the grand tradition of Halloween, many pumpkin artists are busy creating hauntingly magical creatures from the fruit. Meant to adorn more....

then displayed it next my papier-mache skull.

Los Dias de los Muertos, the Days of the Dead, is Mexican culture's appropriate contribution to the Halloween season. Mexico mocks death more....

That done, I sat down at my computer

Who said pumpkins can't think? Bjorn3D.com, a Web site focusing on computer 3-D and the cards that enable it, runs a Hack-O-Lantern more....

to chat some.

It's hard to know what to make of a character who calls himself "Bloodninja" and terrorizes Net chatrooms. Is he a drunk or stoned more....

A message from my cousin was waiting for me.

Let's play devil's advocate for a moment. It's OK to inbreed. Really. You'll have a lot in common with your lover. Your kids will still be more....

She's a nut.

If the NutNet site index doesn't scare you, you need to check your pulse and make sure you haven't already assumed room temperature. more....

I browsed an article on evil Canada

As a child in the Pacific Northwest, Diane Mapes suffered under the terrible threat of Canada. Her father would admonish her to be seen more....

and another on some seasonal statistics.

Do not let it be said that the US government has no sense of humor. The US Census Bureau has gathered together from the far-flung corners more....

With no original costume idea in mind,

Have no costume ideas? Have no fear. The Costume Idea Zone is here to help you save face, or mask. Some of the ideas here are amazingly more....

I just dressed like a pumpkin

Here's a delightful and informative Web site dedicated to everything you've ever wanted or needed to know about pumpkins. The Pumpkin Nook more....

to answer the door and confuse the trick-or-treaters.

Just handing out candy is for the meek. If you're not going to inherit the Earth, you might as well go out in a blaze of glory. This more....

The rest of the night, I played with my squirrels,

The Zymoglyphic Museum is the world's only repository for the study and display of zymoglyphic art, artifacts, and natural history. Huh? more....

read a bit,

It's often noted that possession is nine-tenths of the law, but there are other, more sinister connotations for the word. Cornell more....

and spanked the monkey.

At last, a site that accurately determines how fast you can spank the monkey. Our reporter's hand speed was clocked at 222 mph. Our editor, more....

In bed, I dreamed of eternal rest

Death isn't the end. There's still a funeral to preplan for. The old saw about the importance of first impressions is just an old saw. more....

beneath the sea

Have you ever entertained the notion of having your remains tossed into or scattered over the sea? Eternal Reefs provides clients with a more....

in the company of mermaid princesses....

Neiman Marcus trades on its reputation as a high-end department store, and one item it is selling will only enhance that. The Neiman more....

Hmmm... do they ever do the nasty with dolphins?

Sex with vampires, werewolves, or other creatures of the night is a Halloween ritual of Hollywood. Fed up with customary fall fare? If more....

CONTACT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
Netsurfer Digest Home Page:
Paid Subscription:
Trial Subscribe, Unsubscribe:
Frequently Asked Questions:
Submission of Newsworthy Items:
Letters to the Editor:
Advertiser and Sponsor Inquiries:
Netsurfer Communications:
http://www.netsurf.com/nsd/
http://www.netsurf.com/signup.html
http://www.netsurf.com/nsd/trialsub.html
http://www.netsurf.com/nsd/ndfaq.html
pressroom@netsurf.com
editor@netsurf.com
sales@netsurf.com
http://www.netsurf.com/
CREDITS
Publisher: Arthur Bebak
Editor: Lawrence Nyveen
Contributing Editor:
Production Manager: Bill Woodcock
Copy Editor: Elvi Dalgaard

Netsurfer Communications, Inc.

  • President: Arthur Bebak
  • Vice President: S.M. Lieu

Writers and Netsurfers:
  • Regan Avery
  • Steven Bobker
  • Michael Aaron Dennis
  • Jay Haight
  • Stephen Heath
  • Michael Luke
  • Kenneth Schulze
  • Melissa Story
  • Grace Tierney

NETSURFER DIGEST © 2003 Netsurfer Communications, Inc. All rights reserved.
NETSURFER DIGEST is a trademark of Netsurfer Communications, Inc.